11 September 2011

9/11 Remembering

Ten Years Ago Today. 9/11

I drove along to the Canada Life building in Potters Bar, the sun shining, the sky a gorgeous, clear, autumnal blue, patches of golden leaves with spikey edges, almost silhouetted against the intense blueness of the sky.....nature so beautiful, even in plain old Potters Bar.....

Today was the day that I'd be exchanging contracts on my first ever home purchase....a monumental first for me and a real step forward, moving out from the council flat, where I lived with my partner Gunter, over the disused garages....garages with old sofas and rubbish in, where young boys came and for fun, lit fires.....flats, where just outside my door a fragile skeleton of a boy, who looked already half dead, was enjoying his high, or escaping from the pain of his life, using sweet smelling sticky brown drugs on burnt foil.....a place where youths would run across the flat roof and peer into your private flat.....I couldn't wait to leave......the council flat that I was put in after my breakdown, the flat that was meant to be a safe place for me-a refuge, was turning into a nightmare place to live........I couldn't wait to move into a very small flat with Gunter and have a fresh new start....my nerves were frazzled from living in the council flat and I felt like I would have another breakdown, if I stayed any longer.

It was with these hopes of a new beginning to my life that I walked into the Canada Life building, to exchange contracts, with the lady flat owner that worked there......the foyer looked dark, after coming in from the sun......shadows of people were fixated, the foyer was silent, apart from the sounds the tv. My first thought, as I looked through the silhouetted shapes of people to the large tv screen, was that it was unusual for staff at a financial company to hang around in the foyer, watching an action film on tv. Motionless, every single person was captivated by the image of a plane crashing into a tower and flames........not even a nod from the receptionist, her eyes glazed, fixated and her mouth slightly open as she watched transfixed.........I was the only one moving, walking on the shiny floor.....looking around me.....not understanding what was going on........

The sickening image of the plane crashing into one of the twin towers, was replayed over the next days and weeks, again and again.......I felt devastated by it......plunging into the tower, again and again, repeating and repeating........it was a filmic image but it was real and then turned into an iconic clip...not quite real......I couldn't watch the news, with the constant and continual repeats of that clip......watching the real life death of real people, played over and over again and even in slow motion.....where was the respect? Images of evil transmitted, time and time again.....crime against human kind, in glorious colour......glorified, transmitted.....on and on.......

And nobody knew why, or could understand. That's all I remember saying for a long time, 'I don't understand'.

Ten years on, if there was a message to understand, a campaign, a cause, an unjust, a people so oppressed that they had to fight back......I still don't understand.....the message was marred by the medium......

Against the anger of others, I've tried to have an open mind about this but then I have the luxuary of having my relatives and friends unharmed by the attack.....I tried to see that what I call terrorist, someone else might call freedom fighter.....I really tried to understand........all I knew was that for some people, any good pr for the Muslim community had been seriously destroyed......Many people found it easy to point the finger at Islam and then in turn to hate any Muslim person.

Hating a group of people is what destroys us......and what also, maybe, destroyed the people that carried out the attacks...they hated so much, they lost their own lives.....

People point to those attacks and use them as evidence that religion is bad.....'We shouldn't have religion it causes wars.' they say......

Whatever tool we have to hand, we can use for good, or bad.....

Use a knife to cut and chop food, or use it to kill...
Use stones to build a shelter, or throw them to smash shop windows and loot.
Use religion as a guide how to live your life and love the people around you, or use the rules as an excuse to kill.....

My closest dearest friend is Muslim and I am Jewish......we connect by building bridges and not walls, we love each other and share with each other different beautys from our religion. Through my friend, I have a deeper understanding of Islam.

I don't understand why these attacks happened but the one thing I have learnt over these past years is that they have nothing to do with Islam and any God, would agree.

Be peaceful, I love you. xxxx

Respect and peace to anyone who has lost anyone, anywhere.....I send you love, sympathy and a rainbow promise. xxxxx


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